Last weekend I realized that if we had never decided to move to Boston it would have been two weeks until my wedding day. Instead, I have no idea when I am getting married. We are basically at a stand still. After moving in September we did some research and looked at some venues, but quickly realized that the average cost of a wedding in Boston is basically double than in South Carolina. Not a fun fact to swallow.
Having no plan is a weird thing. This upcoming Sunday, Ross and I will be engaged for 16 months...the average total length of an engagement. We never have been a couple that follows the 'norm' so, in a way, it is not surprising that we still haven't picked a date. What is surprising is the reaction and the questions from everyone around us. In the beginning it was one of the very first questions that popped out of people's mouths when they saw us..."When is the wedding?", "When are you going to decide already?", "Where is the wedding?", "Why haven't you started planning again?". Now that we have been here for six months, the questions have started to quiet down though. In their place are the comments, "Who knows when you two will finally pick a date." that sort of thing. It is kind of like we are back to just dating again, minus the fact that I have a ring on my finger. The elephant in the room that everyone ignores. My excitement from 16 months ago has been replaced with a sort of irritation, I want to marry him already.
As a wedding and event planner, people expect me to throw some lavish, wild affair for my wedding. When I am asked at work by clients when my wedding is, I try to dance around the question and change the subject quickly...telling them I am recently engaged and haven't decided yet. Twice I made the mistake of revealing the actual length of my engagement and the responses I got were embarrassing and rude. The first woman asked me, point blank, if Ross and I were having relationship problems because that must be the only reason for why we aren't planning our wedding by now. The second asked if I had family trouble and didn't have parents to help me plan and pay for my wedding. Both were promptly told to mind their own f*cking business.
The pressure to have a bigger and more expensive wedding than the last person is unbelievable these days. Personally, I think that shows like Say Yes to the Dress, Four Weddings and My Fair Wedding have caused young women to romanticize the idea of just having the wedding, not the fact that after the party comes an actual, law binding marriage. Websites like The Knot and Pinterest are flooded with images of expensive dresses, dream venues and over the top decor, causing young women to think that these things are normal and expected of them when their time comes to get married. I have found this extremely apparent with every bride I meet with and every person that stares blankly at me when I confess to my lack of a wedding plan.
I am working on accepting my less than perfect, movie screen plan and making my own story, regardless of if it complies with what ever other 20 something girl in America is doing.
Could be married tomorrow, who knows! ;)