Thinking Back

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

I was silent today for a lot of reasons...I was busy at work, exhausted from the weekend and had a brain full of too many things.  Friday I found out at work that my company is having some serious money issues...which made me very concerned about my current work situation.  Definitely caused some stress over the past few days so I have decided that instead of wait around for something bad to happen, I am going to hit the ground running in the job search department.

Friday after work we took a walk to the beach since the weather was so nice and I was able to sit back and clear my head for a while.  I am so lucky to live as close as we do to the beach because it really is the most amazing place to just go and relax.

On Saturday, I had my first wedding of the season.  It was absolutely pouring, so that definitely put a damper on things, but we still had a beautiful day and the bride and groom were very happy!  Our bride actually did her own centerpieces...and they were gorgeous!

Saturday night Ross and I went out to my favorite bar, Junction, and met up with some of our friends.  That night was equally stressful - I found out when we were on our way to the bar that my ex was college ex of five years, the one who completely crushed my life and my entire world before I met Ross.  We saw each other in October at a wedding, but that was the first time in about three and a half years and surprisingly, it ended up not going badly.  On Saturday, I was stressed out and drank too much and then we ended up having a drunken, late night convo that I half remember.  

Seeing him brings back the most insane wave of emotions in me.  When my friend told me he was there, it was like a brick had just been throw directly at my chest and I couldn't breathe for a minute.  It's funny though, I work myself up so much and then when it happens it isn't half bad..  It is still overwhelming and filled with too much emotion and awkward energy, but the fact that we are actually able to hold a conversation that Ross is also a part of is shocking.  I am having a tough time getting it out of my head, which happened to me the last time too, because I always have had such an emotional connection to that part of my life.  Moving on is a strange thing...when someone is out of sight, it really does help to keep them and the things that happened, out of mind.  But seeing a face that brings back so many memories and emotions, both good and bad, can be really difficult.  I just have to focus on the amazing person I have in front of me, living my life with me, and forget the things that I have left in my past.

Sunday we had to go to a family party and despite my hangover, I was able to get my shit together and do some casual family socializing.

We also got our new Moscow Mule mugs in the mail which I am thrilled about!  They really add such a fun change to the bart cart.

I am ready for this week to be over and to finally get some sleep after a few sleepless nights this weekend.  Check in for some Wedding Wednesday updates tomorrow ;)

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  1. I wrote a long drawn-out comment and then it got! I know exactly where you're coming from with looking back! I ran into my ex and his parents last weekend, and that hit me like a ton of bricks because I didn't realize how much I missed them; and then the guy who I've never been able to let go of got engaged this weekend and failed to tell me. It's so hard when you have such an emotional connection to a point in time in your life! Thinking about you and hoping things work out (they will)!

  2. My old company was having the same problems. Hence, the reason I started a new job yesterday. I'm beyond grateful I was able to find something. Good luck on the search! You will find the perfect position!

  3. So sorry to hear about the job situation - but you're totally doing the right thing and looking before things get too hectic for you! The bride did such a wonderful job with her centerpieces - they look for the ex...well unfortunately we all have those moments (happy the majority of my ex's live in Florida)- but looks like you handled it really well!

  4. Looking back is hard, especially with someone who was such a big part of your life. I'm glad it went smoothly, though! And that stinks about the job situation, you're smart to start looking elsewhere, just in case.

  5. Running into exes always makes my stomach do flip flops! And why is there always alcohol involved? UGH!

  6. I am sorry about your job, I hope you find a new one, and quick!

    and ugh exes, it's SO hard. Especially after 5 years, I have one of those, and every time I visit home I pray I don't run in to him, because honestly, it's a "what do I do" situation!