Flirting with Disaster

Thursday, July 18, 2013

Dating is one of the weirdest/funniest/worst/best things there is.  Am I right?  It can be downright painful at times...but it gives you some epic stories to laugh about with your girlfriends, that's for sure!  I am a serial relationship-er, so my time as a single girl was definitely short...but let me tell you it wasn't boring.

Let's take a walk down memory lane...why don't we.

The Stage Five
I had a 'summer boyfriend' right after graduating from high school...which I thought would be great, since he was leaving for college in August thousands of miles away.  WRONG.  He clung to me like flies on shit, I kid you not.  After he tried convincing me to marry him before he left for college, he got there and only lasted 2 months before dropping out, coming back home and sleeping in his car outside of my dorm for a few months.  Pretty awkward since I already moved on to a new boyfriend.  He then applied to go to my school...and GOT IN!  But his parents had some sort of crazy intervention with him and made him go back to his original school.  Anddddd my cell number was changed.

The 'I Don't Know How to Wash my Clothes' Guy
First day of freshman year, I met my college boyfriend.  Our crapshoot of a relationship lasted all four years and into the first year of adult life...what I would give to go back and change that train wreck!!  But anyway...freshman year, this kid shows up at college...has no idea how to wash his own clothing.  Like, zero.  He's sporting his parents credit card, fancy parent-owned car, and can't even keep his clothes cleaned.  We went to a party one night where he puked on these kids couch so he decided to open his wallet and start handing out $20's to the guys who lived in the house.  And then he got his ass kicked.  My standards were high back in 2005 ladies.

The 'Let's Talk About Me' Guy
This guy was oohhh soooo attractive.  I just enjoyed staring at him...but that's where it ended.  He had the personality of a rock and was obsessed with himself.  Our first date consisted of him telling me the 1937529401 reasons why he thought he was just amazing.  WIN.  Oh but yea I saw him a few more times...he was too good looking, okay?  And then we awkwardly ran into each other when I moved to Utah.  Small world.

The Insecure Guy
I met this guy and when I found out he had season tickets to the Celtics, I was in.  We went to a game on our first date...where we obviously consumed way too much alcohol.  What else is new?  Then afterwards went to the bar where he proceeded to cry about how he had lost like 100lbs but was still insecure and all this weird shit.  And time to go.

The Relentless Guy
When I was home last month I had a man who was determined to get some one on one time with me.  We were at the bar and he was seriously relentless, despite both myself and his friends pointing out my engagement ring.  He went as far as asking me how serious my engagement actually was.  Oh yea buddy, that is how to win a lady over!

The Right Guy
Finally after all the weird, long relationships...I got the right one!  In the strangest of ways.  Meeting in Vegas, creepy stalking him on facebook, texting nonstop for two months, booking a trip to Utah to see him again, then moving there two months later.  All of those things make me seem crazy...but I guess for the right guy, it doesn't matter.


One To Nothin
post signature

4 comments:

  1. Your single girl life was definitely not boring at all!! I don't know which one I laughed about more.. the stage five clinger, the college boyfriend, or the insecure guy. But it's all worth it in the end when you find Mr. Right!

    ReplyDelete
  2. HAHA these are terrible, especially clinger guy! borderline terrifying

    ReplyDelete
  3. I just love this. The clinger is my favorite though.

    ReplyDelete
  4. ahhh all of this sounds way too familiar, down to the hot guy with no personality and the crazy stalker dude! Funny and scary at the same time. At least you found the right one, I'll continue with the frogs until I find mine. ;) Thanks for linking up!

    ReplyDelete